Tuesday, February 19, 2013

1977: Sunshine And Rose Coloured Glasses

I read somewhere that 1977 was one of the wettest in Melbourne's history (or since records have been kept or since records were kept). It's strange that, since my memory of that year is based on sunshine and happiness and not floods, rain and storms. It's true that over the years you kind of remember the good things rather than the bad. I remember the hot summer nights when me and my sister would be outside under the sprinklers, because you could "waste" water in those days, but I don't remember a single wet day. I remember the sound of crickets at night after Mum or Dad had watered the garden or as the still of the night tended to make the evening a standstill.

In fact, the warm summer nights I remember in ALL of my childhood had the sound of crickets, the smell of sprinkler or hose water on the ashphelt. I remember the "smell" of the air at night and staying up until the sun would disappear over the horizon and we'd have to go inside to escape the huntsman spiders that would always somehow be in the doorway to where we'd go inside.

I have a memory of Dad painting the guttering in 45 degree temperature and Mum telling him to go inside. In those days there was no "Sunsmart" rule -- Dad was bare chested, no sunscreen or hat, painting the guttering or whatever he was doing, while Mum kept us kids inside the hot house with no airconditioning and only a fan that would circulate the warm air - in fact, I'm not even sure we had a fan back then.

I always wondered why so many Dad's would wait until the temperature would get over 30 degrees before they mowed the lawn or did some outdoor home maintenance. Perhaps it was an excuse to sweat. Maybe it was an Aussie thing. As an adult male I never subscribed to this. I'm always the first to turn the split system on before it gets over 25.

Kindergarten was a particularly happy time. Perhaps that's what made it "sunny". The Kinder photos are colourful though, and show a happy kid, somewhat overwhelmed by the attention. At first I hid in the bathroom. I knew the photographer was coming because I'd been warned beforehand. Mum was there that day because she had kitchen duty. When the photographer arrived I remember hiding - I never understood why, but I hate having my photo taken. Come to think of it, I still do. They found me eventually and I had some nice photos taken out in the yard. My fair haired mop-cut came out loud and clear on the Kodak and to this day there's a surviving photo of me somewhere on one of those tire swings. There's also one of me with a "real" hammer in my hand. Yes. A real hammer.

My other memory is about having the group Kindergarten photo taken. I was standing next to Nicky. When the photo was taken, Miss Hayes asked us one row at a time to move away from the stands. I was the only one who didn't follow the instructions. I followed Nicky.
Happy times in 1977. And I'll always remember it as sunny. And so it was.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Who Am I?

I find it completely strange that one person can be seen completely different through the eyes of many different people.

I look back over time, and I find that the perceptions people have had of me over the years, in turn, makes me feel different about myself. Some people who's personality I have clashed with, give me the feeling that I am not the person I am. Other times, when I have been praised and well-liked by an individual or a group of people, again, I feel like a different person. The question still remains though - who am I?

To one elderly lady I work with, I will always be treated as a child. This dear lady is the authority on everything. She always advises me (even though I often don't take the advice, or pretend I have), but I find myself nodding in agreement or acting "stupid" - "Oh yeah?", I'd say, "you're right, I should do that" or  "yes, I never thought of that". Sometimes I find myself asking her questions I already know the answer to, just to make her feel like she's the authority.

To my father, I will always be 14 years old. To my sisters, I'm probably the person they can't forgive for my childhood misdemeanors. To the parents of the children I care for, I am highly considered. My wife worships the ground I walk on. I never understood that. In the ten years I've known her, we've never had a crossed word. I truly believe that she's the only person who's ever understood me. She accepts me when I snore. She understands me when I drink too much. She puts up with my moods. She knows when I'm upset and don't want to talk about it, and she's listens when I do.

And it's Valentine's Day today. My wife had a terrible day at work. Mine was about average, but when I heard about her's I felt miserable for the rest of the night. You see, I feel bad when she feels bad. I feel happy when she feels happy. It's the same for her. That's part of what makes it special. As for understanding what makes a relationship work... buggered if I know. Sometimes it just does.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Expressions

Next person who uses the expressions "My bad", "Don't go there", "like I mean, it's like" or "it rocks"... OR starts a sentence with the words "basically" or "obviously" is going to be tarred and feathered and forced to listen to the Justin Bieber Christmas album. Furthermore if anyone uses the expression "I agree 110 percent", they will receive likewise punishment.

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Royals (William's Wedding Day, 2011)

The Royals. I don’t get it. Prince Willy’s going bald. You’d think with all that money he’d get a transplant or a rug. They do great rugs now. You wouldn’t even know he was wearing one. And how about Charlie? He’s grey now. Why doesn’t he just go to Coles and get a rinse?
And as for the wedding. So spectacular! Can you imagine the size of the hors d’oeuvres they’d have? Top shelf. Extravagant. I’m sure Willy’s just looking at his watch the whole time thinking “Christ, I just wanted a small thing out in the backyard. This is massive.”

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Doctors Part One

Why is it, when you're sitting in the waiting room, and the doctor calls you, the first thing they say - even before you've walked down the hallway to their office - is "Hi. How are you?".

What do they expect me to say?

"Great! How are you?!?"

Yeah, that's right. I want to spend $65 sitting in their office telling them how great I feel.

For $65 you wan't to feel crap. You just have to.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Everybody Loves Raymond (Not Me)

I was a big fan of Seinfeld in the 90's. Huge fan. This show reinvented the sitcom. But there were a lot of sitcoms that tried to recreate the Seinfeld phenomenon. Friends  was one. Everybody Loves Raymond was the other. All three sitcoms had a huge following, and ended with a big lead up to the finale.

I never caught on to the whole Raymond thing when it was in its original run. So I thought it was time to actually watch it, and see what the big deal was about. If it was anything like Seinfeld, I'd be happy.

I'm not happy. I'm sticking with it though. I'm now watching the last season. Here are some valid points:

  • It's not funny.
  • It has no insight and delves deep into no issues.
  • Each episode seems to end with a big argument, with someone finding out that someone lied.
  • Why don't they just move away from Raymond's parents? Or at least stand up to them? Makes the whole premis contrived.
  • The children are irrelevant characters.
  • The whole show seems to be one huge mountain out of a mole hill. King Of Queens is heaps better.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Social Awkwardness

Being asked out to dinner can be quite irritating, especially when you're trying to count calories and be a sensible eater. You can't really say, "well, I'll come to dinner, but I won't eat". Then when you go, they keep encouraging you: "just have some more", "why are you having that? That's not enough".

When someone offers to take you out for dinner to celebrate an occasion, you can't really say no. So you go, and you're miserable, and you know you're only there because someone else thinks they're doing a nice thing for you. No, in fact, if you want to do a nice thing, DON'T take me out for dinner.